drand blog

Weaving The Brokenness

dooj — Sat, 09 Aug 2008 05:29:23 +0000

My daughter puts her arms around me, her brown eyes soft and beckoning. Her rounded belly and motherly curves rest against me, and for a moment I choke up. She is pregnant with a girl baby whose middle name will be Joy like mine. She will be my first grand-daughter, and my second grandchild.
I was named Joy by my great-grandmother, Blanche, the mother of my grandmother Lulu, who spent much of her childhood living with Blanche’s mother. When Lulu was a young woman, she abandoned her daughter Josephine. Josephine abandoned me when I was four years old, leaving me with her mother. What a heritage!
When I look at my daughter, I see the images of my foremothers in my mind-my beautiful but insensitive mother, my intelligent, breaking-the-rules grandmother. I remember their terrible fights and broken dishes that went flying when my mother came to visit, and I think of my grandmother’s deathbed, where there was no forgiveness between them. I think of how my mother didn’t want anyone to know she had a child, and how I tried to win her love until she died.
I was able to break the chains of abandonment, but I still carry within me the memories of these passionate but disturbed women whose genes I carry. I am the last remaining witness to know and remember this heritage. We are the first mother-daughter generation to hug, kiss, talk over our disagreements, apologize, forgive, and have a loving relationship. For this I give thanks every day.
My grandmother and mother didn’t want grandchildren either. My children were not welcomed, and my mother made it clear the few times she saw my children, they were to keep their identity a secret too. Her passing on the poison to my children woke me up to how cruel and heartless she was. Over the years, I had adjusted to her rejection of me, but when I saw her teach my children not to call her grandmother, and to lie to the people at her apartment about their identity, I snapped. I never tried to get her to accept us again after that. I had to accept that she never would.
This was another pattern. When my grandmother received the telegram announcing my birth, she threw it aside saying, “So the brat is born.” Later, she took me in and raised me, but the feeling that I was living on the edge of societal and familial acceptance settled deep into my bones.
My story is only one such story about this topic-mother-child abandonment. There are many thousands of such stories in the world, people who were abandoned as children. On my book tour for Don’t Call Me Mother-Breaking the Chain of Mother-Daughter Abandonment, people listen with tears in their eyes as I read about the loss and loneliness that I felt as a child, and they cheer me on as I read how I fought to find myself and create a better life. When they come to me afterward to tell me how I have told a part of their story, I understand the tears are for their own childhood losses that are being healed by hearing another’s story. It is gratifying to see that I can use the painful parts of my life to give others hope about creating lives of meaning and joy despite deep early wounds.
If you recognize your story in mine, here are a few healing suggestions
Healing Abandonment
1. Remind yourself of these things:
a. It was not your fault
b. You were not a bad child
c. Your mother may not have realized how deeply this affected you
d. You deserve love
2. Create joy and beauty in your life now.
a. Gather supportive friends and loved ones around you
b. Feed yourself good food, and treat your body well
c. Give yourself birthday parties and moments of celebration
d. Create your own family, whether it is your own children or friends whom you adopt as your new family
e. Appreciate each day as it unfolds
3. Find the help you need to heal your wounds
a. Find a therapist who believes that the past affects the present and can help you work through it
b. Write your story-from your point of view all the way through
c. Illustrate your story with family photos
d. After you write your story, write the story of your mother’s life. Research her life as best you can. Illustrate it with photos.
4. Use visualization, meditation, and prayer to get in touch with the life you want to live, and the blessings of your life
a. Meditate in quiet surroundings each day for at least 10 minutes
b. Read books that inspire you to love and accept yourself
c. Share with others your healing story

Technorati tags: mother story grandmother children life

I Can T Wait We Are Going To Cooperstown

dooj — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 15:05:23 +0000

My heart soared. We were going to take another trip to The Baseball Hall of Fame. One of my favorite places on earth.
Just like the first trip to Upstate New York. I wanted to see the likes of Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Honus Wagner, Mickey Mantle, Ty Cobb and Yogi Berra. one more time.
What I saw that day has stayed with me at the depths of my being, to this very day. More about that later.
As we walked into the building in the spring of 1999 I was greeted by two giant size replicas of two great hitters Ted Williams and Babe Ruth. I loved seeing the Babe again. “My friend Babe Ruth. Hello. Hey Ted, you look pretty good.” I remember saying.
I found it very interesting that I and most people (if you stood under seven foot five inches) would have to look up to see these two sculptured figures.
My wife and I strolled through the museum looking at the artifacts. We adored the old gloves, spikes, balls, bats and uniforms that were encased in their glass display bins. These items brought me back to a time and place before television, radar guns and luxury boxes. I was getting very nostalgic.
We soon entered the wing that housed the Sammy Sosa, and Mark McGwire artifacts. This Home Run Wing was abundant with Sosa and McGwire memorabilia. This was like being in a home run baseball fantasy park. There were huge posters of both men. There were posters of each man’s list of home runs.. When they hit them and what pitcher gave up that particular home run. There were bats they used in games and balls they hit over the fences Amazing. Never had two major league men hit so many home runs in one year. Upon leaving that wing I could not help but feel overwhelmed by the slugging feats of these two huge men. One a Cub and one a Cardinal.
We continued to stroll through the hall until we came up to a narrow wing that I did not remember from my previous visit. I looked down the left side of the corridor and saw a group of pictures. Hanging from wires, these colorful paintings were displayed at my eye level. Perfect for me. I had to see these pictures. I was compelled. to walk down this aisle. The first picture as I entered the area was of Babe Ruth. His bat was over his shoulder. His face was wrought with age. He looked a little old, a wee bit tired heavy and somewhat overweight. As I stared at the picture I got very sad. I could see that his career was about to end.
Next painting was of Lou Gehrig. A smiling Lou Gehrig. I felt so happy just to be in the presence of one of my all time heroes. Even if it was just a picture. Then there was one of Joe DiMaggio and Ted Williams standing on the dugout steps Their bodies were angled toward each other. I enjoyed the joy they seemed to have just being there. Ready to play another game.
There were other paintings one of Jackie Robinson, another of Ty Cobb and another of Honus Wagner that I loved.
Gazing toward the end of the row of paintings I saw a glass case with what looked like a tan baseball glove inside. This seemed very weird in that all the players that were depicted in the paintings were from an era when dark brown gloves were used. . I felt confused. This mitt did not seem to belong here. I just had to see whose glove this was.
I could not believe my eyes. It was not a glove. It was a sculpture of a glove. Perfect in size. Detailed so exact that the grayish colored seams were complete in length width and color. The depth of this piece was ideal What this sculptor had captured amazed me. I thought about the time he invested in creating this piece. About how much this person must have loved baseball that he took the time to mold a piece equipment. I visualized he sitting in his workroom playing with clay to make this piece real.
I called my wife to come see this incredible piece. We both were moved. I even cried.
I was given a glimpse of one of the greatest pieces of art I had ever seen. I have been to major museums and have seen painting by Van Gough, Picasso, and Dahli ..I have seen the Thinker by Rodin. I have never been moved like I was by the glove.
Whenever I think of the Hall of Fame my mind jumps to the glove. I do not know if this piece is there any more. It did have a price tag of $8500 when I was there so it may have been moved.
But if you get the chance to see the glove I suggest you take a look.
Feel free to pass this on to anyone you think would enjoy reading about baseball or the Hall of Fame.

Technorati tags: baseball just babe very home

Does Your Sexless Marriage Have You Thinking About Divorce

dooj — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 01:41:23 +0000

If you are in a sexless marriage and are unhappy because of it, don’t worry, it isn’t unrecoverable but it is serious cause for concern. You may even be thinking that you need a divorce because of your sexless marriage, that’s only natural. But, in order to really decide what to do, some thinking needs to be done so you feel good about your decision, regardless if you stay married or not.
Being stuck in a sexless marriage can have you feeling a wide range of feelings from loneliness, listlessness, confusion, unconfident, etc. These feelings come about for a variety of reasons and they can be overcome if you just figure out why you’re in a sexless marriage. You need to get to the root of the problem and uncover the real reasons that you and your spouse are no longer sexually active assuming of course, you once were!
To get to the heart of the causes for a sexless marriage will take some time. On the surface, you may be thinking that the cause of your sexless marriage may include one or more of the following scenarios:
Sexless Marriage: “We both work too much!”:
You both work extremely hard and there just never seems to be enough time to get together, your schedules are skewed. This is true a lot nowadays with the ‘new’ economy, lots of couples are married but just live together like roommates if both parties have ‘time-consuming’ careers. If not managed properly, it is unfortunate but common for people in this type of lifestyle to end up in a sexless marriage.
Sexless Marriage: “You work, I stay home with the kid/s!”:
One of you works very hard with your career and one of you stays home to raise the children (child), which is equally as hard as any career! This situation can lead to a sexless marriage in many cases because of the seemingly disparate priority base of each party. The spouse with the career may need to work after hours, travel, or attend “post work” functions and the spouse who stays home raising the children (child) may not have any other outlet for relaxation away from the home front. This situation can easily lead to a sexless marriage because there may be underlying feelings from both sides that contribute to an already tough situation based on personal and work related schedules.
The spouse with the career may say at times, “Why do you think I work so hard? I do it for you, the kids, our family, etc.”. The spouse who stays home with the children (child) may say at times, “You have another release, you have social interaction daily with the outside world. I feel stuck here sometimes, I need to get out and have time for myself.”. If the spouse that stays home feels like the spouse with the career enjoys being out and working more than being home, that calls for a whole different and escalated level of concern! Chances are the sexless marriage was bound to be that way before the current situation even arose.
Sexless Marriage: “I don’t know why…there’s just no spark left, you don’t pay enough attention to me and our sex life and I guess I don’t either!”:
This is a common sexless marriage situation and it can be caused by a variety of things including emotional scars, bad experiences, boredom, laziness, etc. In this situation, there is deep cause for concern from both parties because both parties aren’t happy sexually but don’t really know why it ended up this way. Both parties have just “let things go” and didn’t place a high enough priority on their sex life with their spouse, which in and of itself is very concerning.
Why would either or both parties let things get this way when love making is so important?
Sometimes there’s a feeling of being taken for granted that can occur in this type of sexless marriage, and both parties should realize that sex is a basic human need and should take priority over other things at the right time. It takes work to get out of this type of sexless marriage, you need to sit down and figure out why your marital love life has dwindled. If you both really want to rekindle things, you can do so, but you both need to take equal responsibility for correcting the problem.
Whatever type of sexless marriage you are in (there’s certainly more types than listed here), remember that it is not unrecoverable. If you’re to the point of thinking about getting a divorce because of your sexless marriage, take the time to sit down and figure out how it got to be the way it is now.
If you’ve lost interest in your spouse from a sexual point of view, you need to define exactly why that occurred. If you don’t know right off hand, you need to think back to a time when you did ‘have the spark’ and recall what you both were doing, feeling, thinking, etc. From that point, identify what has changed, why it has changed, and what you can do about it. When you get that portion figured out, you may well on your way to taking the first step of recovering from your sexless marriage. Remember, if you really want to rekindle your relationship, you can.

Technorati tags: sexless marriage both spouse work

Take Control Of The Silver Bell Blues

dooj — Thu, 07 Aug 2008 13:09:23 +0000

Are you feeling like you need to be of good cheer but you are not? Well, you are not alone. Over 19 million Americans suffer from depression each year. The holidays tend to make matters worse. Before you reach for that antidepressant. Ask yourself three things:
1) Why am I so sad?
2) Did I feel like this last year or is this new?
3) Should I see my doctor?
For question number one, get a pen and paper and write down everything that is going on in your life right now (good and bad). Are you involved in a huge project at work? Is your mother’s doctor running additional diagnostic exams on her? Did you review your new year’s resolution from last year? Did you get on the scale? Write it all down. These are stressors, things or events that leave you feeling uncertain, anxious or disappointed. The best way to handle this type of sadness is to acknowledge that it exists, decide whether you have the power to influence the outcome of the events that are upsetting you. If you can change things…get going. If not, then you must accept the moment and slowly move through it as positively as possible. Make sure that you are getting adequate sleep and staying hydrate. Holiday parties can be physically and mentally exhausting, and alcoholic beverages are dehydrating and act as a depressant. Everyone knows the saying - expect the best, prepare for the worst. Put this saying into action now.
The second question will take a little investigation. If you kept a journal of last year’s events, look back at it to see if you were feeling blue around the same time last year. If yes, then you may be in the clutches of Silver Bell Blues or suffering from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD). Silver Bell Blues is quite simply, holiday depression. You are in good company. We place unrealistic expectations on ourselves and others around us because of the dates on a calendar. November and December are the times of the year that we usually reflect on last year’s resolutions. Were you determined to write that novel in 2005? How about losing ALL of your excess weight? We really know how to set ourselves up for a fall. We also start to worry about gift giving and how it will affect our bottom line - the wallet!
People that suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) have a hard time dealing with the changing of the season and the loss of sunlight. Like most mammals and plant life, we naturally slow down (which prompts weight gain) to prepare for some type of winter hibernation. But our need to work and produce goods to keep our society running flies in the face of Mother Nature. Moderate exercise is a great mood enhancer and will help stave off any additional weight gain. The National Mental Health Association recommends taking advantage of the early morning sunlight by getting up a bit earlier. Phototherapy, or artificial sunlight therapy, also helps.
If you feel suicidal, listless or hopeless. See your doctor. If you even suspect that you may need to seek professional help, do so immediately. Be very open and honest with them about what is going on in your life. Alert him or her to any medications or herbal supplements that you are taking, or any exotic dietary changes. Some medicines can adversely interact with each other, some herbs are natural depressants, and some foods can set off allergic reactions in the body that can alter or hinder brain function and oxygenation. So, to recap:
Silver Bell Blues Call to Action:
1) Get moderate exercise, drink water
2) Do not take on more than you can handle, prioritize
3) Concentrate on enjoying the time spent with friends and loved ones
4) Don’t dredge up past hurts with relatives during the holidays. Save it for another time. When addressing past digressions, make sure you clear the lines of communication with candor and compassion
5) Start new traditions. By trying out new ways to enjoy the season you will unearth, appreciate and validate your needs
6) Watch your Cosmopolitan and Bloody Mary intake
7) Volunteer your time to charity. Helping others is a great way to exercise your unique talents and adds purpose to your life
8) Re-think your definition of gift giving. Instead of using money, offer to help your loved one or neighbor complete a household chore. Anything but another scarf for Aunt Connie ;-) If you must spend, take the advice of Greg Krech, an authority on Japanese methods of psychology - allow yourself a $100 gift budget, total. Don’t spend anymore than that this year.
9) Make some time for yourself. Get extra sleep, read a book, turn off the television, experiment with aromatherapy (Jasmine is a mood enhancer), lose yourself in music
10) Take a moment to congratulate yourself for your achievements this year. We all have them. See the future through rose colored glasses. Life is full of promise and opportunity.
Keeping a positive frame of mind is essential this time of year. And when all else fails, remember - smiles are contagious and spring is only a few short months away.

Technorati tags: year time year. last yourself

The Identity Theft Epidemic What The Experts Aren T Telling You

dooj — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 22:09:23 +0000

Picture yourself walking down the street, all alone. It’s late at night. It’s a bit brisk, and the wind is blowing through the tall buildings on both sides of you. Suddenly, from out of nowhere, someone runs by you, knocks you over, grabs your wallet, and takes off.
It sounds like a scene from a movie, and there may come a time in the future where this type of person-to-person crime is only found in movies. Why would anyone rob a bank, or rob an individual, when they could simply use a person’s information to obtain employment, credit cards, and lines of credit?
By now, everyone knows what Identity Theft is. Identity Theft has been showing up in the news for several years, and there has been a large public awareness campaign since the FTC Report in September 2003.
In their report, the FTC shared that the average Identity Theft victim spends over $1,400.00, and more than 200 hours, just to clear their good name. Reports now are saying that victims can end up spending much, much more in terms of time, money, and frustration.
Other people may be willing to spend that kind of time and money, but if you don’t have an extra $1400 or 200 hours, read on!
What is Identity Theft?
Identity Theft couldn’t happen to me, right?
What can I do to protect myself?
There is good news.
Identity Theft Insurance?
What is Identity Theft?
ID Theft happens when someone takes any piece of your personal information, and fraudulently uses it to obtain access to your credit, bank accounts, or to obtain employment.
How can it happen?
There are literally thousands of ways your information can be stolen, and, as Harris County district attorney Chuck Rosenthal knows, if it can happen to him, it is proof that identity theft and fraud can happen to anyone. “Rosenthal said nearly $8,000 was stolen from his account before it was discovered [...] He said that he still has problems because of the crime — his check was refused when he tried to buy supplies for his daughter.”
There are thousands of stories like this one, which you have already been hearing about in your local or national news.
What can you do to protect yourself?
To be proactive, here are what the “experts” are telling you to do. Read this list carefully, and while you do, think about what it would mean in added time and frustration for your life:
Avoid giving out your Social Security number…Shred or destroy bank and/or credit card information…Shred or destroy any credit card or other direct mail offers…Create passwords containing numbers and letters…Avoid buying or making donations via the phone…Buy goods online only from a reputable Web site…Install a computer firewall at home… Read the privacy statements for all your accounts and your bank’s liability clauses…Check your credit report more frequently… Use only one credit card for purchases… Avoid shopping online… Update your computer virus protection daily… Install Spyware software on your computer to be sure that you’re not accidentally having your keystrokes recorded… Drop your mail in the blue post boxes, not in your mailbox… Don’t leave mail in your mailbox overnight or on weekends… While you’re at it, sign up for a locked mailbox, because you can’t trust that your mail will stay in your mailbox… The list goes on…and on…and on…
The “experts” are telling you to rearrange your entire life to proactively defend yourself against Identity Theft. However, what no one is telling you is this:
There is no 100% guarantee that your information won’t be used. No matter what you do, you are as likely a target for Identity Theft as any other person you know.
Approximately 2,500 Washington County (Maryland) Board of Education employees discovered this when their Social Security numbers, names, birth dates and other private information were accidentally posted on the school system’s web site for up to 45 days during 2004.
Consumer Reports states, “It is an equal-opportunity crime, affecting victims of all races, incomes, and ages. Overall, more than 33 million Americans, about 1 in 6 adults, say they have had their identities used by someone else sometime since 1990.”
There is good news
If you become a victim of Identity Theft, you basically have two choices. You can try to handle it on your own, or you can let a professional help you.
If you try to handle it on your own, you might try to contact the Better Business Bureau (BBB). A visit to the BBB’s web site reveals this statement:
“If your complaint is against the identity thief, it is unlikely that the BBB can assist you. We urge you to report the identity theft to the Federal Trade Commission.
So you visit the Federal Trade Commission’s (FTC) web site, where you read the statement: “The FTC serves as the federal clearinghouse for complaints by victims of Identity Theft. While the FTC does not resolve individual consumer problems, your complaint helps us investigate fraud, and can lead to law enforcement action.”
In other words, the BBB and FTC will give you information on how to spend 200 hours and $1400, and will let you report information to them which can “lead to law enforcement action.”
Beyond that, you’re on your own, because they will not work to restore your individual credit. But they will send you a 25 page book with some very helpful information. Good luck.
This is not to fault the BBB or FTC. It’s only to say that they do not have the resources to, on a daily basis, help over 27,000 people restore their good name and credit. Clearly, Americans need a different kind of help to resolve this issue.
Identity Theft Insurance?
Several companies, including Citibank and the three credit repositories, are offering different kinds of credit monitoring services. You have probably seen the very funny Citibank ads, promoting the protection of your information from thieves, and as a result of the ID Theft epidemic, Citibank now offers protection for their credit cards. This is an excellent idea, but credit card fraud only accounts for approximately 40% of Identity Theft cases.
What about the other 60% of identity theft cases? Well, most often, they happen when someone is using your name to obtain credit or employment. The three credit bureaus have stepped in to offer you credit monitoring services, which will let you track what is going on with your credit on a daily, weekly, or monthly basis. This way, if your information is being used by someone you don’t know, you will know about it the day it happens and, ideally, you’ll be able to do something about it. The cost ranges from $4.95/month to $19.95/month. With these services, you’re generally still on your own to get the issue resolved, but hopefully the early detection will help you be able to resolve the issue in less than 200 hours, and with less than $1,400.00.
Another company has stepped in, because they have seen this trend, and the need that consumers have for protection from identity theft. Kroll Worldwide is the world’s foremost risk consulting company. They’ve been responsible for things like:
Tracking Saddam Hussein’s money after the first Gulf War, creating an evacuation plan for the Sears Tower and many of the world’s tallest buildings, and handling high profile cases such as the Enron debacle.
Kroll has created a product which not only monitors credit on a daily basis, and (like the credit repositories) gives you credit reports in a way that you can understand them, but they also assign a personal licensed investigator to you, who will do the work along side of you, to get your credit and identity restored and to track down the thief who committed the crime. This saves you time and money
Identity Theft shows no signs of slowing down. In fact, many state and federal law enforcement agencies are predicting that the problem will get worse before it gets better. Other companies are sure to follow the lead of Kroll in providing Identity Theft solutions. Probably no other company will be able to match the background and experience of a company like Kroll, but they will create similar products to help consumers, and within the next 3-5 years, Identity Theft protection will become an important part of the insurance-type products we use to protect ourselves on a daily basis.
In short, what the experts aren’t telling you is this:
There is no guaranteed way to protect your information,
In an advanced age of rapid and electronic banking and communication, your information is publicly available to anyone who wants to find it,
If you’ve been a victim before, you’re more likely to become a victim again, and
Identity Theft, as a crime, is here to stay.
Changing the way that you do things reduces the likelihood that you will become a victim, but you have no way of being sure that your information will stay your information.
The real state of affairs today is that you are walking down that dark street on a windy night, and someone robs you, but you don’t know it, or feel it, for days, weeks, or months.
Having Identity Theft protection with highly qualified companies like Kroll is like walking down that street, knowing that you have a highly trained personal bodyguard watching your back and walking by your side.

Technorati tags: identity theft credit information someone

Baby Showers For Adoptive Parents

dooj — Wed, 06 Aug 2008 08:49:23 +0000

We all hear about baby showers for expecting parents, but what about for adopting parents? An adoption baby shower is more than acceptable - it’s encouraged! Adopting parents have the same needs as any other new parents would, but with a few minor considerations.
You should steer clear of planning a surprise celebration on the day the family brings their child home. This can be a very emotional time - the new parents and child (especially if the child is older) will need a period of adjustment. It is very important to be sensitive to their needs. In this case, delivering care packages and planning your celebration for a later date would be acceptable and appreciated. Be sure to talk with the new parents and find out what their wants and needs are before you set a shower date.
Your shower invitations should be sent out three to four weeks in advance, and should include the time, date, and location of the shower. Don’t forget to set an RSVP date with your telephone number and address. If it is at all possible, include the child’s birth date, as well as when he or she was officially adopted or welcomed into the home of his or her new parents. This will help your guests to pick age appropriate gifts. In the case of foreign adoptions, you could also add information about the birth country to inform your guests.
As with other baby showers, the theme for an adoption baby shower should be the same. However, if the child that was adopted is older, you should tailor your party to suit their age and favorite things. For example, a small girl might love everything that involves the Disney princesses and may go absolutely crazy over the color pink. In turn, an older boy may be fascinated by soccer and anything green. Don’t be afraid to be a little creative to help make the party a special celebration to welcome the new child into your circle of family and friends!
Baby shower games are important too! However, stay away from games that are maternity-related. It’s very important that you keep in mind that you are celebrating the gift of adoption. Your games help set the tone of the party, and should be mixed in with any other activity going on. An average shower lasts about two hours, so look at playing two to three party games. If the new parents are adopting an older child, make sure your games reflect that as well. One great adoption party activity is to organize a Welcome Book for the new child. Ask guests to bring pictures of themselves and their families to assemble into a scrapbook page they will create at the shower.
All of your shower decorations will naturally depend on the style, theme, and number of people attending. Balloons and streamers are standard, but there are a lot of creative and fun ideas to make the party extra-special. You’re truly only limited by your imagination here.
If the adoption is an international one, you could use decorations that reflect the child’s place of birth, and include recipes from his or her home country. For guests, it will be a learning experience.
As with decorations, party favors should match your shower theme and party size. Your favors can be used as place settings, prizes, or they can be handed out at the end of the party. A very popular idea for adoption showers is a special program for guests to keep. Written inside should be commitments to the child from his or her new parents, poems about love, family, and adoption, and prayers for the future.
When labeling your favor, keep in mind that your party is, again, in honor of an adoption, not a birth. Your wording on gift tags should reflect that.
Adoption is a very exciting time for the new parents. A baby shower or welcome party allows friends and family members to share in on the family’s joy. When you host or even attend such a party, it is very important to know the needs and wants of the parents. Be sure to know ahead of time how old the child is. Find out if the parents have registered anywhere. Parents who are adopting should be reminded that they can actually register for older children as well as newborns.
By planning and hosting an adoption party, you are helping the new family formalize the acceptance of their child into their circle. You will be creating an occasion that will be documented for the child to look at in the future and remind them how much they were welcomed and loved from the start.

Technorati tags: child party parents adoption shower

How To Buy A Unique Gift

dooj — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 17:55:23 +0000

Regardless the theme or occasion ,when buying a gift we all want to do right thing , and sometimes we must give it considerable thoughts .
Everyone wants to give a unique and memorable gift,and We all want to make our recipient truly feel special .
In my Opinion , a unique gift evokes emotions from the recipient ,He/she will measure the gifts Uniqueness on how much thought and care you put in securing the gift,
when people notice that their present required some imagination and creativity, automaticaly the gift becomes important,and memorable. The true value of a gift is not on how much it costs.
As a matter of fact depending on the event or situation many people get turned off and feel manipulated by expensive and meaningless gifts.
Simple gifts sometimes tend to be well received.
If you want to buy a truly unique present , my advice is to Be yourself ,Give it some thought , Trust your judgement and follow your heart , and i guarantee that the present you choose will be the most unique and memorable gift of all. The perfect unique gift will come from within .
Keep in mind that In the end the present we choose are only objects and symbols that represent and remind us of the love , generosity and appreciation that we feel towards one another.

Technorati tags: gift unique present give feel

Handling A Hurricane Part 2 Preparing For And Surviving An Approaching Hurricane

dooj — Tue, 05 Aug 2008 03:13:23 +0000

Part 1 of this article described some of the characteristics of hurricanes and the damage they can cause. In the days before high tech weather forecasting, well organized emergency services, and mandatory evacuation, major hurricanes resulted in hundreds, if not thousands of deaths.
Most deaths, much property damage, and significant financial loss are all preventable with sensible forward planning and early action. Let’s have a look at how you can protect yourself, your family, and your property if a hurricane crosses the coast in your area
To find out more about hurricanes visit http://www.home-weather-stations-guide.com/hurricanes.html
Advance Preparation for the Hurricane Season
The North American hurricane season starts on June 1st, reaches a peak in August and September, and fades out over the next two months. This doesn’t mean that major hurricanes won’t occur before or after the peak - July 2005 set new records for early hurricanes.
Unlike a tornado, a hurricane can be monitored and tracked for some time before its final landfall or decay. If you are a resident or visitor in a target area, you will normally have considerable advance warning of a hurricane’s approach, and time to safeguard your home or prepare for evacuation.
But the best time to start preparing is before the threat is visible. You can do this by
Insuring your house and property to the maximum extent possible. An up to date inventory of your possessions is a smart move.
Storing important documents and valuable possessions in a secure place away from your home.
Checking with your local emergency co-ordinators on the risk of storm surges and flooding, and assessing your risks of damage from strong winds.
Preparing for evacuation if you live in a high risk coastal area. Familiarize yourself with evacuation routes, and put together an emergency kit which you can grab at short notice if you need to leave.
Owning a battery operated Weather Radio. This will provide you with warnings about the storm’s location and time and location of landfall, and will also advise when the crisis has passed.
Considering strengthening your roof against lifting by severe winds - options include roof strapping or extra clips.
You may also consider reinforcing an internal room as a safe room, a practice recommended for tornado prone areas. A bathroom on the lower level of your house may be ideal, and would provide last resort protection for you and your family against destructive winds.
Preparing an emergency kit in case you lose power and water during the hurricane. This should contain basic food supplies, water, torches and battery operated radios, a portable bottled gas stove, and anything else that will make life a little more bearable.
Obviously most of the components of your kit will be somewhere around the house, but imagine how much easier it will be if everything you need is in the one place when the lights go out.
When A Hurricane Is Approaching
Listen out for hurricane watches, warnings and special bulletins on Weather Radio, normal radio and TV. A Hurricane Watch (which also covers slightly less severe tropical storms which can develop into hurricanes) means hurricane conditions are possible in the next 36 hours. Check for updates on radio, TV, internet.
A Hurricane Warning means a hurricane is expected within 24 hours.
Put up storm shutters and secure firmly. Don’t bother with taping windows - it won’t help and it’s no fun to remove when the threat has passed
Secure all outdoor and garden furniture - store in an enclosed area.
Evacuate if advised, or if you are threatened by flooding or storm surges, if you live in a mobile home or high rise, or if you feel unsafe. Leave as soon as you can. Turn off power, gas and water if advised.
If you are staying, assume power and water may be cut. Fill your bathtub and other containers with water, turn your refrigerator to its coldest setting and keep the door closed, and turn off propane gas.
During a Hurricane
Stay inside. The main dangers are flying debris and downed power lines. Listen to Weather Radio, and don’t go outside until the hurricane has passed. If the eye passes over you, a deceptive period of calm will be followed by the return of strong winds and heavy rain.
Secure all doors and windows, close off windows with curtains or blinds, and close all internal doors.
At the peak of the hurricane, go to a safe room on lower floor - lie or crouch under a sturdy table or other piece of strong furniture.
With a little good fortune, these fairly simple precautions should get you through the hurricane safely. You will have done well, and will emerge healthy and fit enough to tackle the inevitable clean up. Good luck.
But always remember that hurricanes are short lived and are only likely to be a threat for a small part of the year. Think of them as an occasional tax to be paid for the benefits of an otherwise pleasant climate.

Technorati tags: hurricane hurricanes water before weather

Understanding Your Lease

dooj — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 14:40:23 +0000

Leasing agents working on behalf of multifamily housing developers are so accustomed to signing deals with veteran renters these days that when it comes time to sign the lease, you’re often just directed to the line that waits for your signature. After all, who wants to read all of that fine print? You’ve been through the process before. Do you really have to take out your magnifying glass and analyze the text line by line?
Sorry, folks. Yes, you do. Just because you’ve signed a lease before doesn’t mean that they’re all alike. You owe it to yourself to look out for your best interests. So take that lease home and read it before you sign it. And don’t give in to high-pressure tactics that the apartment “will be gone tomorrow” if you don’t sign on the dotted line now. If that’s really true, then park yourself in the corner of the office and read the lease thoroughly before agreeing to anything. But by all means, don’t sign instantly without reading about your half of the bargain. You may stand to lose more than you gain.
As a renter, you’re living on common property and sharing much of your living space with strangers. You’re also agreeing to submit to whatever rules have been set forth by the development company or the landlord, in the case of smaller properties. To a certain extent (depending upon the lease), you’re submitting a portion of your autonomy over to a stranger, who has written rules which may or may not be in your best interest. Why wouldn’t you want to read those rules before you agree to follow them? What renters so often forget is that regardless of whether or not they read those terms printed on the lease before they signed it, those rules are binding once the tenant signs the document. Ignorance doesn’t work as a defense.
If you take issue with any of the terms written into the lease, you’re more than welcome to attempt a negotiation, although the odds of your being successful are questionable, particularly if you’re working with a large apartment developer. You have nothing to lose by trying, however. If you’d like to request an amendment to your lease, draw a line through the phrase that you’d like to change, and clearly make the desired correction. Both you and your landlord or leasing agent must place your initials beside the amendment for this change to be considered binding.
The following areas of your lease could contain red flags, so you’ll want to pay especially close attention to these sections:

If your landlord/leasing agent has made verbal promises to you pending your agreement to sign the lease (for example, a free washer and dryer included; one free month’s residency, etc.), are those promises in writing and included in the lease? If not, you’re going to have little recourse if your landlord or management company doesn’t abide by them.
Read the section in your lease that discusses who is responsible for repairs to your unit. If the lease states that your landlord/management company isn’t responsible for any repairs whatsoever, be wary. In general, you should be held liable for any repairs that are needed inside your unit and occur as a result of your own actions (spilling Kool-Aid on the carpet, breaking your window after your friend threw a ball in the living room, etc.). But an air conditioner lacking freon, a broken dishwasher and other problems occurring through no fault of your own should be repaired at the landlord/management company’s expense.
If you spot any clauses in the lease which state that tenants are responsible for various “rules,” are those rules printed on the lease and made official in writing? If they’re not, the landlord could attempt to surprise you later. Your landlord could, in fact, may just be reserving the right to draw up “rules” at some point in the future.
Does the lease contain a clause that states you, the tenant, will forego your right to trial by a jury of your peers? If the lease contains no such clause, does it state who will pay for your landlord’s/management company’s attorneys’ fees should you decide to sue for any reason?

In an accompanying piece, we’ll review several more red flags of which you should be aware before you commit to the terms set forth in a lease. Needless to say, your lease may contain more potential pitfalls than you’ve ever considered, which sheds light on the importance of reading everything and fully comprehending the agreement in which you’re about to enter.

Technorati tags: lease youre before sign line

Grocery Shopping On A Budget

dooj — Mon, 04 Aug 2008 02:07:23 +0000

Grocery shopping is one of the first places you can learn how to be frugal. I am amazed when I go to the grocery store how many times people are spending so much more money than myself and getting half the amount of stuff I have within my cart. Here are just a few ways you can learn to cut back on your grocery bill.
Cut and Organize Your Coupons: There are many people who take the time to cut their coupons, but there are few who have them organized in such a way that they get used. Here are a few suggestions for learning how to be an effective coupon-cutter.
First, if you do not possess an organizer for your coupons I would make a run to your local dollar store and purchase one of these along with a small set of scissors that you can carry with you for any surprise coupons you might run across while you are out.
Once you have your organizer you can began clipping your coupons and putting them within their appropriate section. I found that by splitting my coupons into sections though I would end up with lots of expired coupons and it also created another chore for me which was to clean my organizer out. If you find this system works for you, by all means, continue with it. If you are like me, however, and you don’t have time for extra chores like organizing then I would suggest my organizational method. What I do is cut all of my coupons and group them into one pile and organize them by date so that I know that the coupons on top are the ones that need to be used the soonest. It does make it more difficult to find one particular coupon because it is not in a category, but you also end up using more of your coupons because you are more aware of their time frame.
After you have cut all the coupons out of your local newspaper you can begin going to online coupon sources for more coupons. There are a couple of great sites that you can go to for extra coupon savings. The two sites that I frequent the most often are www.coolsavings.com, www.smartsource.com, and www.valupage.com. All of these sites also offer additional savings if you complete surveys about certain food products and this allows you to often double or triple your savings.
Another great place to look for coupons is on the actual web site for the items you use the most. This is especially handy if you are buying diapers, baby food or formula. If you sign up with many of these companies they will in turn send you lots of coupons and magazines through the mail. Don’t limit yourself to just baby items though because many of the foods you buy have coupons you can print for free on their web sites.
Once you have all the coupons printed and cut out you can proceed onto the next step.
Flier Research: Yes, this doesn’t sound like a very exciting task, but once you get the hang of it you might start feeling the excitement I do when I run across the grocery fliers.
In order for you to do truly accurate flier research it is good to do cost comparison charts on groceries that you frequently purchase. Items that you could list on your chart might be milk, bread, flour, sugar, or pasta. When you go to a store all you need to do is whip out your Cost Comparison cheat sheet and write down the store you are at, what item you are comparing, the amount that is within the item (ounce, pounds, gallons, etc.), and the current price. Then take this sheet to other stores you go to especially the wholesale clubs you frequent and start keeping track of the price for each place. Once you have this in front of you, you will know the cheapest place pound for pound where you should purchase your item. This also gives you a good background to find out if something really is on “sale” within your grocery fliers.
Go through all of your fliers and mark the items that you find to be a particularly outstanding buy. With this information you can do one of three things. One would be to go to each of these individual stores just to pick up what you feel is an extremely good deal. This would take a lot of gas and a lot of effort. As a mother whose time is limited this might not be the best option. Two would be to find a store that matches prices on certain items. All you would need to do would be to bring your flier into the store and ask them to meet the price on the items you are purchasing. One national chain I know who does this would be your local Walmart. Third would be to simply pick the store with the absolute best deals and make that your shopping destination. The third option is what I usually end up doing because for me it is the simplest although I have been known to run cross-country if someone is running a particularly good deal on diapers, for example.
Some of the really great grocery stores do not advertise in fliers so I would suggest that you do a little research in these places. The Dollar Store is a great place to find many of your household cleaners, paper products, and spices at a fraction of the cost. Be wary around the canned goods though because a dollar for some canned goods is still not a better deal then the supermarket.
Another factor that can affect your choice in grocery stores is the double/triple coupon factor. You can save so much money if you go to stores that offer this. Many do not advertise that they offer coupon doubling/tripling so call around to your local supermarkets to find who offers you the most for your coupons. Using the sales from the fliers and the double coupons can sometimes end up with money in your pocket and getting many items for free. On average, if I go to a place that offers double coupons I can come out of the store with fifty bucks in coupon savings. When you are on a budget this is a huge amount and very worth the time and effort you have invested into researching.
Another special note is that some stores do put limits on the amount of items that you can buy- like a limit of two or three. If one store offers an item unlimited at a little higher cost rather than a store that limits you, I would definitely take advantage of the unlimited option if you are needing more than the limit states.
You can always try all of the options to discover which the best is for you and the best way to use your time. After you have completed your flier research it is time to begin your menu-planning.
Menu-Planning: For me this is the most time consuming part of doing my grocery shopping. Trying to plan in advance what you will be eating for the next week, two weeks, or month can be a daunting task. This was one of the hardest for me to master, but believe me when I say it is worth your time. I am a person who truly dreads going to the supermarket and will go as little as possible to avoid returning to it. I wanted to find the most effective way to get the job done and not have to return there for a month so that was my goal. Many people go once a week or every two weeks, but you need to find what is right for you.
After you have decided how often you plan to go to the grocery store you can begin planning your meals. Because I go once a month I plan seventeen meals out for the month. On the list I include side dishes which can be rotated and desserts that I can make on occasion instead of purchasing store-bought cakes/cookies. Seventeen meals is what I have found is enough for one month since we do eat out occasionally as well as have leftovers from meals.
If your recipe index is limited or you are tired of eating the same thing, this is a great time to try out new recipes. I love to cook so I subscribe to “Taste of Home” magazine as well as “Cooking Light.” Both of these magazines offer lots of new recipes each month as well as tips on cooking techniques. You can always try to get the magazines at the library so that you don’t have to pay for a subscription or just request this as a birthday or Christmas gift. A free place to get great recipes is www.allrecipes.com. On this web site you can type in the ingredients you have on hand and the site will offer you recipes using these ingredients. The best part about the site is that you can create a grocery list right from the recipes you chose so it saves you from writing them down on your grocery list. I pay special attention to the reviews of these recipes as well because if many people have found the dish to be lacking, I do not want to waste my time and money making it. Other great web sites that offer wonderful recipes are www.campbells.com and www.kraft.com. You can always use these recipes and substitute the brand name foods for the off-brand in your grocery store
Making the List: Get out two sheets of paper and use one for your grocery list and the other for your menu plan. On the grocery list divide your list into categories based on the aisles that you would go through for your items. For example, you would have a category for dairy, cereal/breakfast, frozen foods, grains/pastas, baking needs, canned goods, paper products, and household cleaners.
I then write down what I need on my grocery list, making sure that I do not have the items I am listing already in my pantry for all of the meals I have chosen for the month. If I have a coupon for the item I write a big “C” by it, pull the coupon from my organizer, and put it in an envelope. If the item is running on sale in the flier then I put a large star by it so I can make sure I buy the item that is on sale. It is important that you write a good description of what you are looking for that way you do not forget once you get to the store. Instead of writing “butter” on your list, you would write “Land of Lakes Butter” if you had a coupon in order to avoid confusion once you are in the dairy aisle.
Make sure that you have plenty of lunch meat, condiments, bread, eggs, and cereal on your list. These are items that you might forget to list that you will definitely need during the week.
Making Your Trip: Finally, you have made your research, grocery list, and menu plan and now you can make your trip to the grocery store. It goes without saying, but as a reminder always make sure that when you go to the grocery store that you are not going on an empty stomach. I have done that plenty of times and am both amazed and horrified at the amount of money I spend not to mention my choices of food.
Once you have a full stomach, it is time to decide how much money you plan to spend at the grocery store. I pick an amount that has been budgeted by my husband and I and do not go over the amount. It is so easy to become sidetracked by all of the great things on the end caps as well as other things that seem appealing, but by setting a budget I know that I cannot stray from the list that I have made. The best way to stick with your budget is to go to the bank/ATM and withdraw the agreed upon amount of money to spend. By having the cash only you will be surprised how much easier it is to stick with your budget.
Now that you have your cash withdrawn you can hit the grocery store. Make sure that you have your envelope of coupons, your coupon book (just in case) with your small scissors, a pen to cross of your items on your list and a calculator to keep a tally of how much money you are spending.
The most important advice I can offer you is DO NOT GET SIDETRACKED! It is difficult to do, but essential if you want to stick to your budget.
Once you have paid for all of your items be sure to put the money leftover from your budget back into your envelope. When you get home write “Food Money” on the outside and keep this envelope on your fridge. This money can be used to put towards milk/bread as well as pizza or a night out for your family. By having the cash you really do end up staying in your budget.
Wrapping Up: You can never do too much research when you are doing grocery shopping and each minute you spend doing that will be time well spent. It is great if you have a good friend who is equally enthusiastic about saving money because you share tips on where to shop together. Many times my “grocery- buddy” will call me and ask if I saw that a particular item was on sale. Sometimes I have looked so quickly through the flier that I have not seen the item and this really helps me when I do my shopping.
Always remember that if the store runs out of your item that you need and it is advertised as being on sale to get a rain check for the item so that you can still take advantage of the sale price. When they ask the quantity you are planning to buy when you come back to the store always aim high. It will never hurt for you to say that you need more then you do, but it will really hurt your wallet if you have to buy more then what you stated.
I wish you luck on your shopping adventures and hope that using these helpful tips you can find the best technique for you and your family. Happy shopping!

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